Day 5

Tuolome Meadows to a camp site to get ready for Donahue Pass

Slower start than I wanted. Last night I found myself socializing a lot more than I desired. It was almomt a need to be polite rather than actually contributing to the conversation. There were a few moments when I got to glimpse into someone’s inner workings that I felt rejuvenated. I think it’s true that as an introvert, it’s not that I don’t like conversation… it’s I dislike shallow conversation. I want to get to know someone immediately on a Vulcan mind meld proportion.

That probably has a lot to do with my own desire for safety and intimacy. May be worth exploring some time.

My pack was still damp from the previous night. So I had to air it out a few times. It provides a good stopping point for still solitude that I missed out on yesterday with the activity, resupply and getting to town.

While I was airing out my tent fly and sleeping bag under the sun, I asked Holy Spirit what kind of conversation we should have today.

I think I felt him laugh, in a kind smiling way. Almost as if I was asking him to script the day and there was a slight predictableness in that. I joined in the smiling. It is typical for me to ask for a plan when there isn’t one. Like somehow the plan is a security blanket. I reminds me of when I give speeches, I spend a gross amount of time writing cue cards, and promptly when I begin speaking forget them.

Pondering that idea, I looked up to see a sign. “Restoration in Effect.”

The park periodically closes down certain routes so nature can reclaim what hikers have unwittingly destroyed. A restoration project can take upwards of 10 years, but in that time the area slowly restores itself to its natural state (provided no one stomps about it accidentally because she didn’t read her permit).

Maybe I wanted to talk about Restoration.

I believe that God wants to partner with His people to bring about the restoration of all things. A pastor that I follow (Brad Gray) does a beautiful “Restoration of all things” speech (you may be able to google that) that comes to mind.

We are to work with God to help make earth like it is in heaven.

I think where confusion comes in is that we often also want to do the resurrection too.

We want the power to breathe life back into dead things, rather than help care the restored life find its place in the world.

I often find myself wanting to lead a horse to water, make it drink, then send it home with a 401K and a Vegan philanthropist owner.

Rather, I think God is asking me to concentrate on creating spaces for restoration rather than trying to do His job.

Only God has the power to bring life back into dead spaces. He is the one that breathes hope into places that have been abandoned. He is the one that refuses to let desires die. He is the one that can take a barren landscape and flowers will bloom.

Then it’s up to us, like we were originally in the garden to help keep life going, give it space to breathe, nurture, prune when necessary and love.

God responsible for the resurrection and us, with the first born of creation, the restoration.

I think a lot about some of my past relationships and realize how much of the resurrection I was trying to do on my own power. As if I was trying to give my life for theirs… if only they could see the future and their own worth, then the rest would be easy.

The issue with that is I don’t have the power to sustain that kind of work. I’m an image bearer, not God. Of course it fell apart, because I was borrowing all of my energy from other places. Instead I should have allowed God to be Himself and I needed to learn how to watch, listen and wait for that work to be done (rather than trying to rush it on my own).

Not sure any of this makes sense. A part of me worries I’m publishing this without any research. It’s just me, likely sitting on a mountain and my iPhone picking away on the keyboard sharing stream of consciousness thoughts with those of you who are kind enough to read this.

After my long debate with the Holy Spirit and my memories… I had packed back up and logged another three miles. Next to a water source I ran into Nick and Alex again. They had taken a swim in Lyle river and wanted to meet up at a camp site up on Donahue Pass. It was a bit farther than what I wanted to do, but I told them if I felt good I would see them, otherwise don’t expect me.

Lyell Canyon is stunning. As I meandered along the path, I saw a lot of wildlife. Yosemite is really magical. I was introduced to this park by an ex of mine. We mutually were enamored with Ken Burns, National Park documentary. Earlier this year I came back to the park with Josh and Katie to shoot the firefalls. Now, this time I was waking the beautiful landscape on my own, strengthening my sense of self. I am thankful for how such a place exists and curious what new people I will one day share this place with again.

Found a private camp site and decided to stay there instead of meeting Nick and Alex up at the site closer to Donahue Pass. The entire time I was hiking moments of fantasy where I would use my ressuply baby wipes kept popping into my mind. I had a date with getting clean… and a more private camp site would make that better.

Plus, I was planning on waking up around 5 and tackling the pass first thing in the morning. Maybe we will meet on the way to Thousand Island Lake, or if not it was nice to spend so much time with them this past two days.

I set up camp and checked the elevation and realized I was 500 feet shy of the 9000 ft fire ban. There were a few mosquitos that were bothering me so I decided to start my own fire. Not having any starter, I looked in my bear can for anything that was really fatty and starchy.. Fritos. I grabbed a handful of them and some dried portawipes (on my lighterpack gear list) and successfully started a fire.

Baby wipe bath, Fritos fire, trail laundry and journaling … I went to bed smelling like a camp fire and feeling like a bad ass wilderness woman.