Day 2

Plan: Little Yosemite Valley and Half Dome back to Little Yosemite Valley 7 miles

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The day of Katie and Josh getting married and for me to do Half Dome!

I had intended to get up at 5:30 AM to go and do Half Dome, to redeem myself for making a rookie camp mistake. When I woke up, it was after 6:45 and the disappointment at myself plus how I was feeling … I debated doing Half Dome at all. My legs were cramping from the night before. I didn’t sleep well. The cables would be too crowded because I waited too long. I was out of shape. I didn’t want to jeopardize my JMT hike. Katie would understand if I didn’t go (we had an inside joke about me going up there to look for something she left several years prior). The night before I briefly talked to a man (on the way to the bathroom where I panic set up my tent) who told me he had done the Himalayas and was sketched out by Half Dome… so the fear was palpable. I told myself I wasn’t allowed to make the choice until I had gotten out of my tent. I needed to move it again (since in my panic the night before, I had put it outside of the camp boundaries). Once the tent was moved, I packed my day pack, I could make the decision.

I went looking for a new site to put my wayward tent and ran into Nick from instagram (triplenickoutdoors). He had found me via the JMT Facebook group spreadsheet and has the same entry point and start date as I did. I decided to move my tent into the section he and Alex were (another JMT Instagram person Nick met) and started to catch up.

After sheepishly sharing that I had set up camp in the wrong area and failed to read my permit correctly, Nick let me know he saw me from his bus walking along side of the road and was worried for my safety. Road walking along that particular stretch is a bit … faith based. There were a lot of blind turns and barely enough room for two cars to pass each other, with a lot of buses being squeezed through. I agreed with him and said I was super thankful that the traffic wasn’t worse.

Nick invited me along with him and Alex to do Half Dome. Somehow that invite was enough to break through the fear and trepidation I was feeling from missing my ideal start time of 5:30AM. I realized that because I missed the time window in my head, I was so quick to give up on the entire endeavor, rather than readjust. A memory of when I was a child trying to draw popped into my head as I was taking out my breakfast listening to Nick and Alex hash out details. When I was around 4, my dad found I had consumed an entire team of printer paper trying to draw the perfect -something. He found pages and pages of discarded sheets with a single squiggle on it. Years later, if something starts less than my ideal expectation … I still want to discard and start over. After sitting with that memory for a bit, I resolved to do Half Dome. It may not be perfect and I may even fail… but it was worth giving an imperfect attempt. That idea was one that was important for the rest of the day.

As we got ready for Half Dome and learning about one another. Nick shared his dad gifted him his new bear canister and he was already missing his family. Alex shared he was former Navy and lived in San Diego and also was missing his family. I told them that my best friend was getting married and gushed about how amazing I thought they were as a couple. During the conversation, I found myself rushing to try and keep up. Since I had to move my tent in the morning, my things were an unorganized chaotic mess. I was also about 20 minutes behind them having just started breakfast and still needing to confirm my day-pack. Nick invited me to bring my pack and go along with them on the way to Tuolome Meadows rather than my original plan of returning to Little Yosemite Valley for a second night. His plan would require me to carry my pack an extra 3 miles but save me from having to repeat the 4 miles up and down. It would put me on the trail faster. My first instinct was to say yes, but then I remembered that I needed to go longer than the 21 days that Nick was doing and declined. We continued chatting and I found myself rushing my morning activities to try and catch up with them. They had a target to get out of camp my 8AM to put them in good shape to camp along the JMT after doing Half Dome. I didn’t want to inconvenience them after they invited me so I threw the rest of my breakfast into my day pack and hurried with what I left to do. We packed up and began our ascent. While we were talking I began to realize what wanting to be included was costing me.

I didn’t use the bathroom and I needed to.

Then, I didn’t filter water and when I was clearly out.

I didn’t put on my sunscreen before leaving camp.

I left my permit in my larger pack.

These mistakes were happening because I was rushing and wanting to prevent being a hold up to the group rather than listening to myself and following my own timeline.

At the trail head, next to the “did you forget your permit sign”, I excused myself, said my goodbyes and then went back to camp.

So, I didn’t start at 5:30AM.

So, I’d be doing it alone.

This was what I needed to do. To take care of myself before being convenient to other people. I had allowed myself to ignore my own internal dialogue and replaced it with the group’s dynamic.

I needed to start the day over.

I went back to camp and finished my breakfast.

Then, I went to use the luxurious solar powered composting privies that our campsite had. I grabbed my water filter, and water bottles and refilled 2L.

Sitting next to the river I started to pray for the day and to thank the Lord for what had happened and also what was about to happen.

I packed up, went back to camp and grabbed my wallet (to not leave it at my tent) and permit. Then, feeling centered and ready, I began my ascent at 9:15AM.

The trail was slow and steady. One foot in front of the other. I made it an objective to not rush or sweat. I wanted to save that effort for Half Dome. Half Dome is a permitted hike that most visitors do as a day trip. From the valley it’s 16 miles round trip with over 3,000 elevation gain but because I was leaving from Little Yosemite Valley, it would be 3.5 miles and 2,500 elevation gain. The last quarter mile is what Half Dome is known for. It’s a steep cables section that at some places is more than 75 degrees on incline on sick granite. A person on the cables has to trust their gloves and shoes are grippy enough to make it to the wooden boards that are spaced 10 feet from one another. I didn’t prepare physically near as much as I wanted, so I was worried I wouldn’t make it up. However, I had a plan. One foot in front of the other… slow and steady, saving my energy for the last section. Eat plenty of calories and snacks and keep hydrated. I steadily ascended and before I knew it, I was at 2 miles and heard my name.

“Larissa! I told you I was slow!” I heard Alex say from a few switchbacks above me. I laughed and told him all of the things I needed to still do and that I didn’t want to break too long because I had a good rhythm going. He agreed and soon, I passed him. Before I knew it … I was at the base of Half Dome staring at the Ranger looking for my permit.

I chatted with the Ranger. She was female and was genuinely curious about my JMT trip, so shared that it was Katie’s Wedding day and how she was eloping at Sahale Arm. The Ranger got excited, she knew the area and thought it was stunning.

Afterwards I began my slow and steady ascent to the sub dome. Snack break, Lara Bar, and then I saw the time and wanted to send Katie a text using my InReach, before she got out of service. My theme was similar to this morning … let go and embrace God’s results, not the ones that we plan for ourselves.

I spent a little in the shade at the sub dome praying for the day, then continued.

When I got the the cables… full blown fear gripped me. I was actually thinking to head up that!? I sat next to a nice man that was waiting for his wife and kids… and we began to talk.

He was an attorney and he was afraid of heights. He had three special talents… 1- he could write upside down (except for z’s and k’s he always got those wrong), 2- I can’t remember it … and 3- he was an excellent first impression judge.

He asked me how I felt about being a solo woman on the trail (the fourth man this trip that has asked). I answered a few things (I plan on writing more later). At the end of it … I found myself saying, “sometimes you have to still do it even if you are scared.”

Well. Poop.

Somehow those words coming out of my mouth helped me feel committed. I pulled out the webbing and locking carabiner I brought, made a hasty harness and pulled out my leash (a bit of rope with a carabiner on the end that can snap onto the cable).

I tucked my poles under a rock… and went towards the cables.

The first few steps, I decided the leash was more dangerous for me than not using it. It was getting in the way of a solid hand grip and I was having to go one handed to remove it and clip it into the next section. I decided to go without it and keep going.

It got steep right away and the months I spent ignoring my upper body muscles were haunting me.

“I’m scared.” I kept saying to myself, yet I felt myself keep pushing up.

I got to the steepest section where there was a traffic jam. Some people were trying to go down and some of us were going up and there was a dicey section where there wasn’t a plank in the 10 foot increment and the pole holding the cable was wobbly. I started to deep breath and notice how many people were on the cables and I recognized Nick!

“You got this! It’s amazing! Keep going.” He said to me as I stared at his American Flag Gaiters. Eric (my friend that started the Flag Day/U.S.A pride on display tradition) would love those, I thought. Suddenly, the memory of all of my adventure friends came to me and I imagined they were also cheering me on. Nick passed me and I passed three ladies wearing Bedrock Cairin shoes (sandals with a vibram sole). “If those ladies can do it in sandals, I got this,” I said to myself.

Soon, the steps started to feel less steep and then the cable started to move from

face level, to armpit, to waist, to calf and then done. I was on top.

Not sure why but I didn’t breath a sigh of relief. Instead I headed straight to the back of the dome to look at the view. Then I walked to the lip area of the dome. I found a view of El Capitain… and then sat down to eat another snack. I took off my gloves, snapped a selfie… thought of my friends and found myself dreading going down. While eating, I noticed my phone had reception and tried to post day 1 blog. That didn’t work… and instead of relaxing at the top… I gathered up my stuff and decided to head down.

On reflection, it was so rushed. It was like I didn’t want to sit in the victory of having accomplished such a steep and precarious hike. Perhaps it was knowing that it would only be a job half done if I didn’t go down. Or many the adrenaline was blocking me from feeling it. Needless it was something worth being curious about.

I decided I wanted to time lapse the experience of going down (it didn’t work). I put my phone in my pocket and started to time lapse, figuring the battery drain would be worth it for an epic video. I started to head down and realized I was much more afraid of that than coming up. Going down you have to view of the entire length of cables. My worse mistakes have always been going down. Also going down… you are working with gravity rather than against it. After slipping and sliding on my behind to be caught by the wood plank, I decided to turn around and go down backwards, like a ladder. That worked for me for most of the way down.

Around the extremely steep section where the board is missing and the pole was loose, I came face to face with a woman who was sweating profusely, struggling with her leash and in a panic. Her panic was blocking the flow of traffic, but worse she looked in genuine distress.

In a slow calm voice I started talking to her.

“It’s okay. Just breathe, you need to calm down.”

“ I can’t my arms are giving out, I need a rest. I want to go down.”

“Okay, lets get you a rest. I need you to get up here with me, so you can sit down and brace against the board.”

“I can’t the clip is caught.”

Behind her was her husband who was also struggling.

“I need you to get up here and help her unclip.”

“I can’t. She will fall.”

“No, she won’t.”

“Yes, she will.”

Deciding it would take too long to argue him into it, I started to lower myself down and got close to her. I shifted myself against the pole and grabbed the leash. The carabiner was backwards so it was working against her body weight. I decided I would unclip her from her harness and free the carabiner from the other direction. Once I did that, I clipped it on the other cable (the side she was on) and then quickly clipped her harness back in. Then, I asked her to turn around, lower herself down to sitting and use the board as a foot brace.

“People are going to need to get around you, but you can’t move until you are breathing and calm. Rest here. Count your breaths. Let your heart rate go down. Then, once that happens you can move either up or down. Just don’t do anything while you are in a panic.”

“Are you leaving me?”

“Yes, I need to. There are too many people behind me. But I’ll wait for you at the bottom.”

I started descending and ran straight into her husband.

“I’m tired and can’t rest this way.”

“You need to do the same. Clip yourself in on the same side, sit down and rest.”

There was only 12 ladders left (very close to the end). I resolved I would get down there and then if they were still struggling, hike down to tell the rangers.

When I got to the bottom there was a teenager I recognized up top that was quick. “Hey, would you mind telling the rangers on the way down that there is a couple that is really struggling and may be caught?”

He looked at me a bit and then muttered something about his family being up there still. “Oh! Don’t worry about it then, I’ll find someone else.”

I turned around and he was headed back to the cables, which I assumed it was to wait for his family.

Ten minutes later I noticed the woman from the couple descending. There was a lady that was in front of her and the teenager I had spoken to was behind her!

They were coaching her down the cables!

These were strangers helping someone who clearly wasn’t prepared, relating to her because she was so scared and asked for help.

It was beautiful.

After she got down I checked in with her.

She had done Half Dome 20 years before and for her 50th wanted to redo it. She got the carabiner wrong and that’s where her confidence started to erode. Every time she called herself stupid, I would stop her (I hate hearing people heap shame on themselves). She said thank you and I reassured her it could have easily been me. Once we start to panic, everything feels worse. We exchanged contact info when she noticed she had an extra phone. Turns out she was holding the phone for the woman helping her down. She started to call herself stupid again, when interjected. “Let me take that down to the rangers. I might run into them on the way down. Don’t call yourself stupid. You are doing something terrifying and it was scary! You survived!”

I found my stashed poles and left quickly to try and find the family.

While going down I kept imagining what it would have looked like if the roles were reversed.

The closest I’ve come to a full scale panic like that was in Israel, descending Qumran. There was a scree section that I had to traverse and I had never been on one before. In the middle of that panic, a few people came to help. M-, a man that I later came to learn was a father of one of my friends, was tasked to see to me from the pastor (who was leading the trip). I was frustrating him, and at one point he suggested I get carried off the mountain. Then T- another man offered to help me. While I was trying to keep the tears at bay under my sun glasses, a woman named Terri came aside me and in a calm, firm voice instructed me to follow her footsteps. There I was Terri and T- leading me down the mountain, helping me stave off panic. That experience changed me. I had never felt cared for in crisis in that manner and it gave me an imagination for what it looks like to be cared for… so I could offer it to others.

I’m thankful for that woman for reminding me of needing help from strangers and being willing to accept it. In that moment, I felt like we were sisters sharing the same fear.

I made it quickly down the sub dome and didn’t find the family. However I found the Rangers and left the phone with them. They were turning people away from the cables because of an impending thunder storm. I looked off in the distance and was surprised the blue clear skies that I witnessed when I was on top were being replaced by moody, ominous ones. Being on top of Half Dome during a thunderstorm is one of the worse scenarios imaginable. The cables are electrified, so you can’t use them to go down… there is no coverage to hide from lighting. I believe most of the deaths that have happened on that hike are from thunderstorms (need to verify that).

I hiked down with a lot of concern for my new friend’s husband that would likely be at the top of Half Dome. Thankfully the thunderstorms stayed at bay and I made it to camp without any mishaps.

The camp was empty since Nick and Alex had already taken off to tackle the elevation gain on the way to Tuolome Meadows. I looked at my watch and realized it was only 3:15PM. I still had the whole day to myself.

So, grabbed my water filter and water bottles (I had drunk all the water I brought and was feeling dehydrated) and headed to the river. There I journaled, soaked my tired feet, washed off dirt, charged my batteries using my solar panel and wrote this entry.

When I came back to my camp, Nick and Alex had been replaced by Melissa and Eagle. Two women that also started at Glacier Point and were hiking the JMT.

We greeted each other and then began our evening routines.

Pick up my solar panel.

Stretch.

Charge my phone. Check inReach battery.

Dinner.

Verify my trail plan for the next day

Pick out the food I need and make sure it’s on top of the bear can.

Camp shower.

Pack trash and bear can.

Put it away (bear box)

Finish journaling.

Send update message on my inReach to Ryan and Keiko.

Pee.

Brush teeth.

Get into my sleeping clothes.

Wash my feet.

Go to sleep.

It was an extremely full day.